來源/有道詞典
We've all said things that people interpreted much differently than we thought they would. These seemingly benign comments lead to the awful feeling that comes only when you've planted your foot firmly in your mouth.
我們都曾說過一些話，在經(jīng)由他人的解讀后偏差大得出乎想象。當(dāng)你說錯(cuò)話是時(shí)，一些貌似善意的話語也會(huì)令別人感覺很不舒服。
Verbal slip-ups often occur because we say things without knowledge of the subtle implications they carry. Understanding these implications requires social awareness--the ability to pick up on the emotions and experiences of other people.
TalentSmart has tested the emotional intelligence (EQ) of more than a million people and discovered that social awareness is a skill in which many of us are lacking.
言語上的差錯(cuò)常常出現(xiàn)，因?yàn)槲覀冊(cè)谡f話時(shí)并不知道話中所隱含的意義。理解這些含義需要有社交意識(shí)------理解他人的情感與感受的能力。TalentSmart曾對(duì)超過1百萬的人的情商做過測(cè)試，并發(fā)現(xiàn)社交意識(shí)是我們很多人所缺乏的。
We lack social awareness because we're so focused on what we're going to say next--and how what other people are saying affects us--that we completely lose sight of other people.
我們?nèi)狈ι缃灰庾R(shí)是因?yàn)槲覀兲P(guān)注我們接下來要說什么---以及別人說的話如何影響我們---因此我們就徹底忽略了別人。
This becomes a problem because people are complicated. You can't hope to understand someone until you focus all of your attention in his or her direction. The beauty of social awareness is that a few simple adjustments to what you say can vastly improve your relationships with other people.
由于人是復(fù)雜的，這也就成了一個(gè)難題。 直到你集中全部精力于他或她身上，你才能理解一個(gè)人。社會(huì)意識(shí)的美妙就在于，只對(duì)你說的話進(jìn)行一點(diǎn)小小的改變，就能很大地改善你和他人的關(guān)系。
There are some phrases that emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid in casual conversation. The following phrases are nine of the worst offenders. You should avoid them at all costs.
這里有一些情商高的人在聊天中會(huì)小心避免的話。以下是最冒犯人之話語中的九句。你應(yīng)當(dāng)竭盡所能的避免它們。
1. 'You look tired.'
1．“你看起來很累。”
Tired people are incredibly unappealing--they have droopy eyes and messy hair, they have trouble concentrating, and they're as grouchy as they come. Telling someone he looks tired implies all of the above and then some.
疲憊的人可是毫無吸引力的---他們目光呆滯，頭發(fā)凌亂，難以集中注意力，而且還悶悶不樂。告訴別人他看起來很累至少是意味著以上所有意思了。
Instead say: 'Is everything OK?' Most people ask if someone is tired because they're intending to be helpful (they want to know if the other person is OK). Instead of assuming someone's disposition, just ask. This way, he can open up and share. More important, he will see you as concerned instead of rude.
而你可以說，“一切都還好嗎？”多數(shù)人詢問他人是否感覺疲憊是因?yàn)樗麄兇蛩闾峁椭ㄋ麄兿胍绖e人是否還好）。不要假定別人的狀態(tài)，而是要直接詢問。這么做，可以令他打開心扉來與你分享。更重要的是，他會(huì)覺得你很關(guān)心人而不是沒有禮貌。
2. 'Wow, you've lost a ton of weight!'
2．“喔，你瘦了超多?。 ?/strong>
Once again, a well-meaning comment--in this case a compliment--creates the impression that you're being critical. Telling someone that she has lost a lot of weight suggests that she used to look fat or unattractive.
又是這種情況，一句善意的評(píng)價(jià)-----在這里是一句贊美---卻給人留下了你為人刻薄的印象。告訴別人她瘦了很多暗示著她曾經(jīng)很胖或是不好看。
Instead say: 'You look fantastic.' This one is an easy fix. Instead of comparing how she looks now with how she used to look, just compliment her for looking great. It takes the past right out of the picture.
而你可以說：“你看起來太棒了。”很容易就可以給這句話換個(gè)說法。就只是單單贊美她看起來很美，而不是將她和她過去的樣子做比較。這樣一來就和過去一刀兩斷了。
3. 'You were too good for her anyway.'
3．“反正她也配不上你?！?/strong>
When someone is in a relationship of any type, personal or professional, this comment implies he has bad taste and made a poor choice in the first place.
Instead say: 'Her loss!' This provides the same enthusiastic support and optimism without any implied criticism.
當(dāng)一個(gè)人正處于某一種關(guān)系當(dāng)中時(shí)，無論是個(gè)人的或是工作上的，這句評(píng)論暗示著他品味很差，并且做出了很糟糕的選擇。你可以換言之：“是她的損失啦！”這樣既可以表達(dá)同樣有力的支持和樂觀的精神，還不會(huì)顯得刻薄。
4. 'You always ...' or 'You never ...'
4．“你總是。。?！被蛘摺澳銖牟?。。?！?/strong>
No one always or never does anything. People don't see themselves as one-dimensional, so you shouldn't attempt to define them as such. These phrases make people defensive and closed off to your message, which is a really bad thing because you likely use these phrases when you have something important to discuss
沒有人會(huì)總是或是從不做什么事。人們不會(huì)把自己看成一個(gè)行事單一的人，.因此你也不應(yīng)當(dāng)試圖去這樣定義他們。這種話會(huì)令人心生戒備，并且屏蔽你說的話，這樣以來就糟糕了，因?yàn)槟愫芸赡苁窃谟懻撝匾氖虑闀r(shí)用到這些詞。
Instead: Simply point out what the other person did that's a problem for you. Stick to the facts. If the frequency of the behavior is an issue, you can always say 'It seems like you do this often' or 'You do this often enough for me to notice.'
相反，你可以：簡(jiǎn)單地指出來別人做的什么事令你為難。事實(shí)就是。如果這件事發(fā)生的頻率造成了困擾的話，你總是可以說“你看起來常常這么做”或者“你這么做已經(jīng)頻繁到足以引起我的注意了。
5. 'You look great for your age.'
5．“你在你這個(gè)年齡看起來很不錯(cuò)了?！?/strong>
Using 'for your' as a qualifier always comes across as condescending and rude. No one wants to be smart for an athlete or in good shape relative to other people who are also knocking on death's door. People simply want to be smart and fit.
Instead say: 'You look great.' This one is another easy fix. Genuine compliments don't need qualifiers.
將“對(duì)于你們…來說”作為一個(gè)限定詞總是會(huì)顯得很冒犯和無禮。沒人希望自己只有當(dāng)被看作是運(yùn)動(dòng)員時(shí)才顯得聰明，或是只在和其他病入膏肓的人相比較時(shí)才能看起來狀態(tài)不錯(cuò)。人們只是簡(jiǎn)單地希望自己是聰明和健康的。你可以換句話說：“你看起來棒極了！”這也是個(gè)很容易就能讓話聽著更順耳的例子。真誠的贊美是不需要限定詞的。
6. 'As I said before ...'
6．“像我之前說過的。。?！?/strong>
We all forget things from time to time. This phrase implies that you're insulted at having to repeat yourself, which is hard on the recipient (someone who is genuinely interested in hearing your perspective). Getting insulted over having to repeat yourself suggests that either you're insecure or you think you're better than everyone else (or both!). But few people who use this phrase actually feel this way.
我們都會(huì)常常忘記事情。這句話暗示了你為不得不重復(fù)自己的話而感到被冒犯，這一點(diǎn)令聽者很為難（他是真心想要聽聽你的想法）。為重復(fù)自己的話而感到被冒犯暗示著要么你是不確定，要么你認(rèn)為你比其他任何人都強(qiáng)（或者兩者都有）。但是說這種話的人很少有真是這么想的。
Instead: When you say it again, see what you can do to convey the message in a clearer and more interesting manner. This way the person you're speaking to will remember what you said.
而你可以這么做：當(dāng)你在重復(fù)時(shí)，看看怎樣能更加清楚并有趣地表達(dá)信息。這樣以來，聽你講話的人將會(huì)記住你說的話。
7. 'Good luck.'
7.“祝你好運(yùn)”
This is a subtle one. It certainly isn't the end of the world if you wish someone good luck, but you can do better because this phrase implies that they need luck to succeed.
Instead say: 'I know you have what it takes.'
這句話有些微妙。如果你祝福別人好運(yùn)時(shí)，這么說當(dāng)然不會(huì)很糟，但是你可以有更好的說法，因?yàn)檫@句話暗示著他們成功還要靠運(yùn)氣。取而代之，你可以說，“我知道你的能力足矣了。”
This is better than wishing her luck because suggesting that she has the skills needed to succeed provides a huge boost of confidence. You'll stand out from everyone else who simply wishes her luck.
這么說要比祝她好運(yùn)更好，因?yàn)檎f她擁有成功所需要的能力可以使她的自信心爆棚。你會(huì)從那些只是簡(jiǎn)單地祝她好運(yùn)的人中脫穎而出。
8. 'It's up to you' or 'Whatever you want.'
8.“這取決于你”或是“隨你意?！?/strong>
While you may be indifferent to the question, your opinion is important to the person asking (or else he wouldn't have asked you in the first place).
雖然你可能對(duì)于問題持中立意見，但是你的意見對(duì)于詢問的人很重要。（否則他不會(huì)先來問你的意見）。
Instead say: 'I don't have a strong opinion either way, but a couple things to consider are ...' When you offer an opinion (even without choosing a side), it shows that you care about the person asking.
而你可以說：“我不特別傾向于任何一方，但是可以考慮一下這么幾點(diǎn)…..”當(dāng)你提出看法時(shí)（即使不站在任何一邊），這說明了你在乎向你詢問的那個(gè)人。
9. 'Well, at least I've never ...'
9.“嗯，至少我從來沒有……”
This phrase is an aggressive way to shift attention away from your mistake by pointing out an old, likely irrelevant mistake the other person made (and one you should have forgiven her for by now).
這句話顯得你急于想通過指出別人曾犯的陳年老舊且毫不相干的錯(cuò)誤（而且是你應(yīng)該現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)原諒了的她的錯(cuò)誤），而把注意力從你犯的錯(cuò)誤上轉(zhuǎn)移走。
Instead say: 'I'm sorry.' Owning up to your mistake is the best way to bring the discussion to a more rational, calm place so that you can work things out. Admitting guilt is an amazing way to prevent escalation.
而你應(yīng)該說：“對(duì)不起?！背姓J(rèn)自己的錯(cuò)誤是為談話創(chuàng)造更加理性和冷靜的氛圍的最好方法，這樣你們才能夠解決問題。承認(rèn)錯(cuò)誤是避免問題惡化的非常好的策略。
In everyday conversation, it's the little things that make all the difference. Try these suggestions out, and you'll be amazed at the positive response you get.
在日常的談話中，一點(diǎn)小小的改變就可以令一切完全不同。嘗試一下這些建議，你將會(huì)被你得到的積極反饋而驚喜到哦。
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